PeekabooNWA

An Adoption Story: 8 long years….

Posted on 31. Oct, 2009 by admin in Personal Stories

After trying to conceive a child for over four years with the aid of fertility treatments, our dream for a child was still just that — a dream. Finally, our doctors suggested that we go on the waiting list at their clinic to pursue private adoption.

When we started the adoption process, we assumed that we would soon have a sweet little baby in our arms. Little did we know that it would be eight years before we finally got the call. That call came from our attorney letting us know that they had a birth mom who would like to meet us. We finally had some hope again. During that interview, the birth family told us that they wanted us to be the adoptive parents! We were thrilled; yet, we knew that there was a chance that the birth mom could change her mind. Despite this fear that lurked in the back of our mind, I took the birth mom to all of her doctor visits and found out that we were having a little boy!

All I had ever wanted to be was a mommy; after all, my mom made the job look so easy! My dream was finally coming true. In May, we received the call that the baby was on the way. We arrived at the hospital, and our sweet little boy was born. He was beautiful. It was love at first sight. While he was perfect to us, his little body was not as strong as the doctors would have liked, so he had to stay in the NICU unit. I started to notice that the birth family was acting different. I realized things were about to change. On the evening of the third night, my husband and I went in to see our little boy, possibly for the last time. When we went to the doors of the NICU, we were told that we were no longer able to see our little boy — the birth mom had chosen to parent. We were devastated. The fear that had always been in the back of our minds had made its way to the forefront. No matter how well you prepare for that moment, you are never fully prepared.

We had gone to the hospital expecting to take home our little boy, and now we were leaving without even being able to say our good byes. We felt as though our child had died. We went through the grieving process and waited about a year before deciding that we needed to look at our options again.

We looked at other countries and adoption facilitators, but it was through a twist of fate that my answer came when I ran into a friend that I had not seen in years. We talked about our families, and she told me that they were about to finalize their adoption on a little girl who was a little over one.

When we started the process, we had stated that we would take a child from the age 0-8. We wanted a family. We were told, however, that if we wanted an infant, we would have to be foster parents first.

My husband and I had approximately 16 children in our home at one time or another while we were foster parents. When each of them left, we cried. It was so hard to let them go; the children usually started calling me Mommy and my husband Daddy right away. We had to have hope that they were going to be just fine and that we had done the best job we could in that short amount of time.

We received our son J.C. when he was just 4 months old. J.C. had not been with his biological parents since birth. I will never forget the day that J.C. arrived. He had the biggest, bluest eyes, the chubbiest little cheeks, and sweetest little bare feet with chubby wiggling toes, but what caught my attention was that he was sucking his thumb! I sucked my thumb as a little girl! I instantly knew that this was meant to be, so I called my husband and told him our son was finally home! It was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.

When the parental rights were terminated on J.C., we told the judge that we wanted to adopt, and the state was in agreement. The biological parents appealed the case. The appeal process took almost 2 years. When the decision was handed down by the Arkansas Court of Appeals, they had overturned the judge’s decision regarding the father. We were devastated. We were ordered to start visits with the biological father. We didn’t want to take a backseat and decided that we needed to get more active in the situation and hire an attorney on behalf of ourselves, but more importantly for J.C. J.C. met his biological father for the first time in his life when he was 2 years old. The situation was rather awkward to say the least. The emotional roller coaster that we were on was draining; after all, we could lose our son of 2 years. In the meantime, we had built a wonderful relationship with the paternal biological grandmother and her husband. She drew a positive picture of her son. I learned a lot about the biological father and knew that his mother had raised a young man that knew how to make the best decisions. This gave me the confidence that things would all work out for the best. During the 3 months of visitation, the biological father and I formed a friendship. He knew that we were the only family that J.C. had ever really known, and he knew that it was in the best interest of J.C. to sign his parental rights away. We were able to locate the birth mom and get her to sign her parental rights away as well. This was not an easy decision for either of them to make. I will never truly understand the pain that they felt and the full extent of the sacrifice that they had made. When the biological father stated that he had made the decision to leave J.C. with us, and for us to raise him as our own, I do not think that there was a dry eye anywhere in the building. It took so much courage for him to stand up to the adversity that he was receiving from others. J.C.’s biological parents made a very selfless decision, to let their child go so that he could have a better life. This is probably the hardest decision that they will ever make in their life.

We finalized our adoption in January of 2008! I tell everyone that I had 3 years of long, hard labor! It was worth every bit of the pain! We are so blessed.

I use to tell J.C.’s paternal biological grandmother that all I wanted for her son was to be able to have a good life and to start over. I prayed that he would find a wonderful woman, get married and have more children that they could raise together. That is just what he has done. I have always wanted to be able to tell J.C. someday about the selfless choice that his birth parents made and how they are working to change their lives for the better. When I talked with each birth parent, I asked them to do something for J.C. I asked that they be someone that one day he could be proud of, and assured them that because they had given him a chance to have a good life, J.C. would be someone that we all could be proud of.

I wish the process had been easier. I wish that the appeal process had been quicker. I wish that the heartache and emotions were more in control, but I know that we are better people, and hopefully better parents, because of our journey.

There are currently 500 children available for adoption in the state of Arkansas. These children are of all ages, races and needs. They just need a safe, loving place to call home. Love will not fix everything; the children have many challenges that will bring you to your knees in anguish at times, but all they need is a chance. In Northwest Arkansas, we have approximately 19 children in need of families. You might even know one without realizing it. These are children that your child might sit next to in class and children that you may see at the grocery store or church. Each child is a blessing from God, as God makes no mistakes.

In January of 2008, our adoption journey ended and a new journey began. We have been truly blessed by our experience. Is it time for an adoption journey to begin for your family?

For more information regarding foster care or state adoption, you may contact Elaine Dowdy at (479) 442-4029 or visit www.nwaheartgallery.org.