Jack’s Journey

Posted on 01. Feb, 2009 by admin in Personal Stories

My husband Jon and I had been married for seven and a half years when we decided it was time for a baby. We were self-employed and our time was consumed with our portrait studio. During a lengthy conversation, we came to the life changing decision that we could adjust our schedule and bring a little one to work with us. (Amazingly, we were sober when we had this conversation!)

One morning, with screaming joy I watched two pink lines appear on the pregnancy test. I had my first ultrasound at 16 weeks and we cried when we saw a perfectly-shaped little baby kicking away. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Secretly, we wanted a boy.

During my second trimester, I boasted that I felt better than I did before I was pregnant. My skin was radiant, my body was rounding out in all the right spots, and I seemed to have boundless energy. But, my feet started swelling early, about 20 weeks. I was so excited to be pregnant, I pointed this condition out proudly to my friends. The swelling would come and go, so I never thought to mention it to my midwife.

Saturday, September 13th, at 31 weeks pregnant, I knew something was wrong. I had worked all day, and I felt terrible. My legs were swollen from the knee down, almost forming a solid block. I felt exhausted, dizzy and silly. I could still feel the baby moving, so I decided to go home and rest until my routine medical appointment that Monday.

At my appointment, tests confirmed what I already suspected — pre-eclampsia. Pre-eclampsia is a complex disorder that affects 3 to 8 percent of pregnant women. It causes your blood vessels to constrict, resulting in high blood pressure and decreased blood flow that can affect organs throughout the body, including the liver, kidneys, and brain.

I also had a condition that pre-eclamptic women can develop called HELLP syndrome. It stands for Hemolysis, the breakdown of red blood cells; elevated liver enzymes; and low platelets, the blood cells that are necessary for clotting. I was required to go to the hospital for strict bedrest.

It was a self-employed person’s nightmare. I had sessions booked heavily over the next six weeks, since we planned to take a considerable amount of time off after the baby was born. I begged the midwife for a chance to go into the studio and at the very least get our client’s contact information to let them know what was going on. We ran to our studio, than made our way to the hospital.

After a few days in the hospital, the swelling worsened and my lungs started filling with fluid. The only way I could get better was to deliver the baby.

On September 20th at 2:40, Jonathan Paul Stephens the II was born.

We decided to call him “Jack” for short. He weighed 3 pounds and 10 ounces. Over seven weeks early, his lungs were underdeveloped but everything else was fine. I didn’t see him for over 24 hours after my surgery, and when they finally wheeled me into the NICU to see him, I fell immediately in love. He was so tiny. His arms and legs were like little sticks, and his skin hung in ropy folds around his small body. His face was beautiful, and he had fuzzy hair all over his head. I couldn’t hold him, but I could put my hand on his back.

I was better almost immediately and left the hospital two days later. All my passion, energy and focus were no longer for photography, but for a scrawny little bundle sleeping in the NICU. Jack stayed there for 32 days, growing, developing and burrowing his way into our hearts. It was hard to leave our little son at the hospital. At the same time it felt oddly natural since we weren’t used to having a baby around anyway. We worked all day and then went to see him at night.

We brought Jack home when he was 4 pounds and 10 ounces. The car seat swallowed him. We felt like criminals as we drove away from the hospital. Surely this wasn’t legal!

Jack was so tiny he needed to nurse every two hours. I could only sleep about an hour between feedings, and to this day I don’t know how I made it. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He would cry, and I had no idea how to comfort him. My milk supply was scarce, and I struggled with feelings of inadequacy because I had to supplement with formula. I was disappointed with the way my pregnancy had ended and could hardly be consoled. I continued working through all of this, and I began to resent the studio. What had been my driving force suddenly became my nemesis. My life goals were supplanted by this tiny, needy little creature and I couldn’t wrap my mind around these sudden changes.

Somehow, we all began to get used to each other. Nursing became easier and my passion began to return for the studio. Jack grew and progressed rapidly. We brought him to work and I learned that he was happy as long as his belly was full. I learned to nurse and retouch photos at the same time. I learned to wait until he was asleep to make calls and leave voice mail.

I had always enjoyed photographing children, but there’s something magical about photographing your own. When you see your own child’s face in a work of portrait art, it becomes priceless to you. We have three large canvases of him already, and my heart warms every time I pass by them.

I don’t work as much as I used to. We limit our Session availability and focus on quality. Wondrously, it’s enhanced my creativity and our customers are happier than ever. They love to see Jack, and it prompts women to share their own birth stories. I realized that very few women get the exact birth experience they planned, but dealing with the unexpected is one of the first lessons of motherhood.

Jack has rearranged our life and restructured our business, but every day I thank God for the interruption of our beautiful baby. He is “fearfully and wonderfully made,” not “easy and efficient.” I wouldn’t change a thing.

To see more of Jack’s photos taken by Julie Stephens, aka Jack’s Mommy, visit
http://calotype-photography.blogspot.com

Story by Jon and Julie Stephens,
julie@calotype-photography.com