PeekabooNWA

Step-Mom

Posted on 30. Apr, 2009 by admin in Personal Stories

I never wanted to be a mother. In my early twenties, I once told my father, “You will give birth to a child before I ever do.” I admit, looking back, that it was a pretty bold statement even for a drama queen like me. Part of the statement was true, though. I have yet to give birth to a child, but I did become a mother in the way I least expected.

When I met my would-be husband in December of 2004, one of the first things he told me was that he had a seven year-old son named Christopher. I fell in love with my husband quickly and the fact that he had a child didn’t phase me in the least. My now-husband and I dated for some time before I finally got the chance to meet my future step-son.

Without hesitation, I fell in love with that blue-eyed little boy. Back then, we didn’t get the chance to see him as often as we would have liked to. I wanted to (and frequently did) spoil him rotten and, more importantly, I loved him beyond words.

A year-long engagement passed and his father and I decided to marry. We opted for a very small, informal ceremony in Eureka Springs. My whole world had changed in just a few short years – I was becoming a wife and a step-mother all with one ‘I do.’

Having previously worked in the field of child psychology, I immediately began hunting for self-help books on the subject of step-parenthood. I scoured the web for topics related to being in this newfound role of mine. I wasn’t sure that I needed this kind of help. After all, Chris had been a part of my life for several years by this point. Still, the label made it somehow official.

Nearly every magazine article, book, and website or forum that I found was dedicated to the misery of step-parenthood. It was all there — problem children, behavioral problems, kids who wanted their “real” parents to be together again — all of it. None of it applied to me though and I was left feeling just as alone as when I had begun searching. I realized all too quickly that I was going to have to figure this one out for myself.

I wondered if things would change. What if all of the stories I had read would become some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy? I learned that worrying about things like that was going to take away from the time that I needed to learn, from my new son, how to be his step-parent. I also had to remind myself that I already had an ally. Chris, after all, had never had a step-mother. Looking back, I assume he was probably a little nervous about his new label as well.

It wasn’t as difficult as I had imagined. Chris and I fell immediately into a comfortable mix of friendship and authority. He was there to remind me how to play Super Mario World. I, in turn, reminded him (incessantly) to brush his teeth. I am still amazed at the ease with which he and I developed into parent and child. Near the end of the first year of our marriage my husband and I happily welcomed Christopher into our home on a full-time basis. I have watched him grow into one of the greatest kids I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Although I know it is unique, I have to believe that our situation isn’t typical of step-families. I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject of step-parenting. Nothing authorizes me to write this story except for the love of my son, but I do hope that our story serves as proof to other step-parents. Proof that even if you’re not called Mom or Dad, your role is still equally important.

Not a day passes that I am not reminded of the gift that I have been given in the form of this child. If I had known then what I know now, I… okay, so I probably would’ve still been the stubborn twenty-something who made that statement to my father. Nevertheless, I am beyond grateful for every basketball game, last-minute homework assignment, and Mother’s Day card (hand-made, preferably) that says, “I love you, Step-Mom”.

Story by: Melissa Campbell
melissa@preservedphoto.com