by: Ben Lacy
Man, don’t you thoroughly despise those people that are just a little ahead of you on the road of life? You know, not a full generation gap, but just a bit further up the yellow brick road than you? They feel like they always have to offer tidbits of unrequested and unwanted advice about the next chapter in your life’s adventure? Yeah, me too. And now I’m one of them. You see, as of June 26, 2017 I’ve been a dad for 40 years. Yep, 40 stinkin’ years!!! Oh, but I’m not 40 and I don’t have any children older than teenagers.
Sorry, played a little fuzzy math game on you (fuzzy math is popular ‘round these parts ya know). What I’m saying is that my cumulative experience of being a father – when you add up the ages of my kids – is 40 years. Oh no, I’m not actually 40 years old! But let’s stay on topic. So, in case you are nearing 40 years of parenting, or just 40 years of roaming the Earth, or just in the midst of a mid-life crisis, I offer to you this list of mid-life advices.
The types of things that you learn after 40 combined years of toilet training, toddler tantrums and teenage terror. Oh yes, also throw in a couple of decades of wedded bliss (no snarky comments from the Mrs., please).
So like the original Big 10 (commandments) some of these are “do’s” and some of these are “don’ts.” Please review or don’t tell me later on that I didn’t warn you!!!!
Silence is not golden. It is terrifying.
Never, ever, under any circumstance utter the words “I’ll babysit the kids tonight.” They are your kids. You can’t babysit them. If you slip up and say this in the presence of a female make sure to duck so the flying vase doesn’t give you a concussion.
Never, ever, under any circumstance utter the words “My wife doesn’t work” when referring to a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). You could lose fingers or even larger appendages. She works; maybe not outside of the home, but trust me, she works and you DO NOT want to trade.
Having more kids around makes it easier as long as they aren’t more of your kids. Think about it…
Communicate, hear, listen, respond. Example: If you call your wife and ask her how she is doing and her first comment is “Well, I just had my first shower in 60 hours” that is code for “Bring home dinner and wine tonight or I will bludgeon you.”
Murphy’s Law is in full effect.
You don’t have to deal with the Notorious MIL (mother-in-law), but she will deal with you…one way or the other.
PSA for fathers – when making green beer use blue food coloring because yellow and blue make green. So many dads mess this up.
Your kid is not the best; your kid is not the worst. Neither are you.
Becoming a dad is pretty easy; being a dad is pretty hard.